Have you ever felt like you’re not enough? (Answer: Obviously)
Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m not Christian-enough or not Jesus-y enough. It’s a really annoying spot to be stuck in.
Like what makes me less qualified to be a believer than anyone else? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Especially in His eyes.
But there’s still this nagging in the back of my mind that’s saying, “Elisse, you don’t know enough bible verses. You aren’t reading the bible. You aren’t in a bible study right now. You don’t pray enough. You don’t post enough spiritually-inspiring quotes on Instagram. You doubt too much. You aren’t spiritually mature. Your relationship isn’t Christ-centered enough. You don’t serve others enough. You don’t give enough money to the church…” The list goes on and on and on.
Please, let’s just hold the phone.
I know in my head that I’m enough, and that Jesus loves me regardless of my seemingly-many shortcomings. It’s just so hard to feel like I’m good enough for Jesus when I’m rarely feeling good enough for myself, you know? Like why would Jesus love me??
Why is it so difficult for us to remember that we are enough, just as we are? Why does it feel as though we are in constant competition with others, as well as ourselves? Why is it that we are always falling into comparison and self hatred? Why why why why why Jesus whyyyyy??
I know that I love Jesus, and that the bible has some great stuff in it, and that God’s faithfulness to me is just astounding. But I struggle with feeling connected to Him and I struggle with feeling like God’s really working in me and molding my heart. I feel lukewarm in my faith and like I’m full of doubts and questions that are impossible to know the answers to. I’m constantly looking at others and comparing my faith to their’s based on what they post online. I feel like all of these things just make me unworthy.
Gosh, I’m feeling inadequate just writing this.
But for Pete’s sakes: That’s not how Jesus sees me!!! Or you!!! No matter how far we feel we fall short, we are enough.
I was talking with my beautiful friend Courtney today, and she said, “It seems like whenever we’re doubting God just reveals his faithfulness to us in such amazing ways.” Truth.
Every time I feel like ______ is going wrong, God shows me something to prove to me that He’s still working in ______ situation. “Oh ye of little faith,” is something I feel like He’s hollering down at me from heaven frequently. It’s cool, I feel you Jesus – I’m a doubtful little human. And You are an ever-faithful, giant God. Thanks for that btw.
Faith is personal. Faith is individual. Yet, faith is also community, sharing, and accountability – so that you don’t have to do it on your own. Faith is personal so that you get to have your very own relationship with the Savior, but you also get to share in the joy that everyone you know gets to as well! That’s beyond valuable.
Thanks Jesus for loving me at my best and more importantly my worst. Your love is so astounding to me and I’m eternally grateful (literally 😉 ) that I get to know you and love you for my entire life.