Transparent

Hey blog, it’s been a while. I’ve spent the past few weeks getting ready to move back into college, actually moved back in, and got started with classes. I’m already tired of homework and I haven’t even really done any yet so that’s a really good sign (lol).

Since I started this whole transparency/honesty thing, I’m going to be real. The past couple weeks have sucked. They’ve been so rough and I know that things will get better and that I’m just settling into school and classes but I’m impatient. And I want them to be better now. I want things to be fun and easy and simple and summer, basically. I just want summer all over again.

So, here’s a list of things that really sucked the past few weeks:

  1. Everybody’s best friend, STRESS!
    I don’t do well with stress. That’s funny because I’m a super type-A person and type-A people are stressed since the day they’re out of the womb. Last year, when I had this weird ulcer thing on my eye, even my optometrist said it was likely caused by stress, and he asked me if I’m a type-A person, and then he said type-A people are used to a higher stress level than others.
    So, anyway. I’m a stress-prone human, and I wish that I wasn’t and I wish that I didn’t care so much about certain things and I wish that waking up in the morning didn’t stress me out but it does. That being said, it’s safe to say that preparing to move and moving back into college really stressed me out.
  2. The root of all evil, MONEY!
    I love to shop, I love to spend money. I even love to buy gifts and things for other people, not just myself. Saving is not my friend. My parents have been really good at diligently reminding me to save my money for college, which is really nice that they’re keeping tabs, but then it also means that I have to really watch myself and my bank account. So buying things for school dented that bank account and that wasn’t fun to be a part of or witness firsthand. Money makes the world go ’round, but money also makes me want to pull my hair out and scream :’)
  3. Just the general idea of leaving home!
    I loved college last year. Like way more than I ever anticipated to. I really just l o v e school (no lol not homework). It’s such a great place to get away from home and have your own space and routine and life. Yet, I love my family. I love being home as much as I love school, so leaving both places is hard. My mom and dad are so good to me and I love not having crazy responsibilities other than chores and going to work and babysitting. Saying goodbye to my family and best friends is hard every single time.
  4. Moving in.
    I love my new dorm room and I love my roommate but I’m on the north campus of my school and literally it’s like living in the middle of Nebraska or Iowa – there’s nothing to do. It’s so isolating and lonely up there and it’s hard for me not to get all stuck in my thoughts and let the negative things the world is telling me to get to me. I have yet to make friends up there too – that’s the next step. It will be much easier once I can get some good heartwarming fun-and-laughter-loving people in my room!

Those things honestly aren’t even that bad but they did all take a toll on me the past few weeks. Life stresses me out and I’m always overthinking and questioning myself and not letting God take the front seat. I don’t trust Him enough to fulfill the promises He’s made and it’s about time for me to scoot into the backseat because all I’m doing is yelling at life in front of me and stressing out. So, Jesus – it’s your time to shine. Take all of this yuckiness I have cultivated in my life and make it into something beautiful and something you would be proud to call yours. I’m so tired of trying to make things perfect and pretty by myself.

I’m sitting outside on my deck, listening to the birds and the squirrels and feeling the sun warm my face and my soul, and it feels really wonderful. It’s refreshing, much needed. It’s helping me clear my head (which is also much needed, hehe sorry for the longest post ever), and relax after a crazy month. Thanks for taking the time to keep visiting my page and keep up with my life, it’s weird because I never thought anyone would want to!

I think I’m going to try to take some pictures of the dorm room and post them here sometime soon! My room is so freakin cute and finally done being decorated, cafe lights, futon with throw pillows, a cute TV stand set-up. It’s done and me and the roomie are so proud of how it turned out!!

Once again, thanks for letting me share my struggles with y’all ❤

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