I know I haven’t posted in a long time. Life’s crazy, we all have them, so we all know it’s hard to make time for things sometimes. Anyways.
I’m feeling really called to be completely transparent and honest with my struggles lately, so here it is:
I compare myself to others 89% of the time. The other 11% is spent looking at myself in the mirror thinking about what I would change. Rarely is it what I like about myself.
I know that probably close to all the girls that read my little life-blurbs on here struggle with the same thing. Religious or not.
I know how hard it is to feel not good enough. I know how hard it is to think that you’ll never be good enough. I know what it’s like to think you’re not enough for yourself, let alone others.
I know what it’s like.
No one really wants to talk about this, they just want to give everyone little “how-to” lists on “how to love yourself/be confident.” But how-to’s don’t make the root of the problem go away. They don’t just dissolve the struggle of not knowing how to start loving yourself or how to “just” be confident.
Knowing that you’re enough is so hard, and it’s a daily battle when it’s so easy to just constantly compare yourself to the girl next to you. It’s easy to see the imperfections when the girl next to you seems so perfect.
Recently, (yes, recently) I realized that I just can’t do any part of this whole self-love thing by myself. It’s not worth all the trouble and disappointment. I need to rely on something bigger than myself to help me out. So I decided to talk to my mom about it – she always seems to have all the words I need to hear, and all of the struggles I have already figured out for herself. We’re pretty much the same person. I love my mom.
Anyway, I told my mom pretty clearly that I haven’t been kind to myself. (That’s her advice a lot of the time in this struggle that I’m always reminding myself of: Be kind to yourself.) I told her that I constantly compare myself to other girls, (lol even boys sometimes like what on earth Elisse get a grip), I bash myself when I remember that I haven’t been working out or when I’ve eaten fast food too many times. I opened my heart and my ears so that I could listen and take in really well what my mom was going to tell me to do.
She reminded me to keep trying to be kind to myself. She told me that I should try to keep moving during the day so that I wouldn’t be sedentary and sitting around all the time because that’s really not good for me. She also told me this: pray about it. Let God know how you’re doing, and ask for help. He provides, He knows. He knows. Ask him to help you remember to catch yourself when you’re having those negative thoughts, and ask him to work in you.
Okay mom. “Pray about it.” Okay. Great. Praying about it probably won’t even do anything, I thought.
IT DID. LIKE WHAT. IT DID. God’s probably up in heaven like “lol Elisse ye of little faith.”
I sat down and wrote in my prayer journal, and I asked God to work on me. Granted He’s still got a LOT of work left, but I asked him to just start here for now. Start with the biggest roadblock I’ve got. I probably wrote that prayer down for a week or two straight, and prayed about it numerous times in between during the day or at night when I felt small and hurt.
It’s so exciting now because I have been catching myself comparing, I have been catching those negative thoughts, and honestly I don’t think I could have done that without God watching over me. I’ve tried before and it’s imploded in my face, because I didn’t rely on God’s good work enough to really change my heart and my perspective.
All I’m saying is that He really does listen. He really does hear you. He really does work. He really is moving, and He’s really not done with you. Ever. We will forever be works in progress until the day we die or the day He returns to this broken earth.
Also, I will continue to be praying that God continues to help my catch myself, and remind me that I’m good enough the way that I am no matter where I’m at or what I look like (or what I think I look like, for that matter).
Thanks for taking the time to read this ridiculously long post today, and letting me share my struggle for life with you. ❤