I don’t really think of myself as a blogger. I’m just doing my own little writing thing on the Internet because my grandma told me to (not in so few words but you get what I mean). But it’s hard to when you feel like you have nothing to say and tell the few people who read your posts about life, I just don’t know how to put things into words sometimes (sorry gma lol). I’ll update the internet about my life anyways:
The past few days have gone by so fast, and everything has been so crazy. Since July 4th life hasn’t slowed down! It makes me feel small, knowing that the world will keep spinning until Jesus tells it not to.
Anyway, we had my cousin Kayla’s wedding this weekend to her fiance Freeman. Holy cow it’s probably impossible to be as cute as they are. Their love is one that’s focused on Christ first, then each other second. It’s the kind of thing every girl looks at and goes “relationship goals!!” because they’re just so great at shining the Lord’s light on every single person they meet and interact with. I am so excited to see where life takes those two, because I know God’s got big plans for them to do some amazing things – separately and together.
On a different note: this summer has been hard. Hard in terms of my relationships – whether that be with God, my boyfriend, friends, family. It’s just hard to be home and not get bored, annoyed, and crabby with people. I’m fickle in that I get lonely when people aren’t around, but I don’t like it when there are tons of people in my house. So I’ve been rotating through the people I love and spending time with them this summer, and I have a few close friends that are so spectacular at life in so many ways: they’re encouraging, prayerful, appreciative, honest, they ask the hard questions, strong, kind, and caring. The love they’ve got for me is so surprising sometimes, because I’m just like “I’m not that great!! Why are you sticking around?? I’m a Negative Nancy!!! You deserve better!!” and they’ll look at me and go “Shut up, I love you.”
Then I get thinking, is that what God is like sometimes?? Because no matter how awful we are, He loves us just the same. He’s not going anywhere, he’s not giving up on us, he’s so consistent through it all. I wonder if he gets tired of our whining, self-deprecating talk.
It’s been such a weird lesson for me to learn this year. I never understood just how much God loves his people, and I don’t know if I will ever understand it, it’s just so beyond where my tiny brain can take me. But I’m not complaining. I need that love in my life, I need to know that even when I don’t feel like I’m enough, that means nothing. Feeling like I’m not enough doesn’t actually mean that I’m not. It just means that my emotions aren’t in line with what God thinks. That’s why I got my tattoo. It’s the word enough in Hebrew, pronounced “mah-SPEEK.”
I’m so glad I took the plunge and did it, it’s such a great daily reminder that no matter what, I’m enough for the Lord, and he’s enough for me. Also to address what some people my be wondering: yes it hurt, but it clearly was not unbearable seeing as I went through with it and really love it. It’s on the inside of my elbow on my left forearm. It took about 10 minutes max. It was $100. No I don’t know why something so small was that expensive, but I think it’s worth it. Yes I already want another one.
I think that’s all I have for today for this post at least, shout-out to my friend Hannah for giving me some good blog post suggestions! Until we meet again, blog. Hopefully I’ll have something good for you!